I'm there.

/rant

The fillings I got a week ago led to the tissue behind my bottom back molars swelling. The dentists aren't exactly sure what caused this to happen, but the pain is getting to me. I take advil, and sometimes it dulls the pain. I can't eat anything that involves chewing (hello soup, ice cream, milkshakes, and mashed potatoes), and cannot speak for long periods of time (actually this is a blessing for some people). But jesus christ now it's all I can think of. I get up to try and start packing only to sit down while slightly miserable. I was told that all I can do is take advil, begin brushing the tissue so it hardens up, and gargle warm salt water. Fortunately my fillings were sanded a bit to correct my bite which means if I fully clench my teeth I won't bite the tissue. There's a good chance that's the problem, but due to my few days here I can't go back to the dentist past Friday morning. It's really fantastic, living off ramen before I even move in. Saying this pain is why I won't be productive is a bad excuse, but it is making me miserable, particularly for someone who eats alot. I really don't want to pack, organize my writing notes (I've written far more than I have realized over the past three or four years).

And yeah. I'm going to college. Crap.

/end

/start again

Really this is frustrating. It huuuuuuurts. I was at a birthday party, and couldn't even eat the cake. It was homemade angel food cake with freshly made whipped cream! (I ate alot of whipped cream)

Sometimes anger is seen as a necessity for life to function with its routines. I find its hypothetical absence hard to picture. It's always been there whether I'm the source or someone else.

Then feeding on the modes created with replicas and pieces from the many muses, scenarios, so forth. Synthetic empathy. Fuel.

It all doesn't seem wrong, though I feel that change should occur; however it is adaptation that is more feared than change.

Beginning to believe your feelings are not real may be like flirting with the green veil at the boundary. You can touch it with the chance of pulling away, but should you really do so without the bones to keep at bay at least some things? Wait, I have a bone at the moment.

The fact that I've seriously considered anger management is a step somewhere. Well more as if you put your feet on the ground after waking up, but not quite to the point where you stand.

But it may have to stop the modes controlled more, the fooling sharpened.



I have exactly one more month.

For being a bit of a stuck up writer that isn't up for sharing, I've been loving the two groups I've worked in on and off the past three months. Gets me writing more.

My promises for new work come off as empty at this point, but I now have access to a scanner! If not, well I can stare at it longingly. So that would mean scanning some photography done this past year.

Freedom is ever so close. College is only a few gasps and laughs away, if I make it to the orientation. The lack of communication and competence for the past month tends to heat my temper with the slightest thoughts of how much of a bitch it's been to have something that should be simple made complicated. Good f*cking god. I can't wait to be more responsible for myself, and be at the age where I don't rely on my parents. Will I miss relying on them? Yes. Those little things they did that weren't noticed will be missed. But I'll live. I'd rather own up to myself then have to keep quiet at home so as to not feed the tension and stress.

I really needed to type that.

Well I was just told to go sleep if I'm tired. I guess I'm tired. And I can't remember what I wanted to say. I guess HI DEVIANTART PERSON WHO IS READING THIS.

My sestina laughs at me when I reread it at night.

I have two thoughts I don't want poetry to touch just yet; purely selfishness.

There is a misplaced a notebook along with a sketchbook which is slightly frustrating.

I will have photographs to put up once I borrow a school computer (one of the nice ones) with Photoshop.

Whipped cream as dessert after lunch or Watchmen this weekend - I don't know which of the two I'm more excited about.

Believe me, I am writing more. Give it time.

Anders Loves Maria - I've had my spirits lifted a bit, and now have another story to look forward to (: Octopus Pie will be next.